The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
