So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
