its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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