She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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