Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
