I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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