I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
