I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
