Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
