your parents love me but you hate me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
