I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
