I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
