I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
