like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
