Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
