my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
