I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
