Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
