i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I could fuck to npr.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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