I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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