3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want to fling myself into the sun
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
