i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
