So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
