the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
