I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
