I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When did angry sex become our thing?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
