ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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