If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
