I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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