That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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