I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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