she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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