i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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