my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
