Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
