Your dad touched me again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
