He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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