I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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