you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
