Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
