Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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