I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
