the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
