I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
