He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
