I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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