Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
