If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
