Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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