I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
