i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
