How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
