Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
